All posts for the month October, 2011

All play, no work

The worst part of training for a marathon is waiting for race day. I figured the two week layoff from training and physical activity would be fun. I would lie around the around the house, catch up on some of my favorite shows, and get some much needed sleep. I have managed to get most of those things done. The problem now is I have two more days until race day and more energy than I know what to do with. I hadn’t realized how much of time had become devoted to training.

Lucky for me, I have a few tricks up my sleeve when it comes to wasting time. They may not be the most productive way to spend one’s time, but they get the job done:

3. C-SPAN- The Cable Sattelite Public Affairs Network, also known as C-SPAN is the definitive place to go if you want to know what’s going on in our country. C-SPAN provides viewers with wall-to-wall coverage of congressional hearings and other soul stirring political meetings. I used to view C-SPAN as a sedative for sleepless nights until I discovered the true joy of watching C-SPAN is watching the call-in shows. I don’t know what the show is called but there is a moderator sitting behind a wooden desk discussing issues of the day with call-in listeners. It’s sort of like televised talk radio. If you ever need to feel better about yourself, this is the show to watch. The people who call into this show do their best to sound intelligent but fall so far off the mark it’s kind of cute. Then there’s the poor, random moderator who has to listen to these people jabber on and on. The moderator is always respectful, but has this pained look on his or her face that makes it obvious they made the wrong career choice.

2.  Whoinventedit.net

I was in class the other night when I suddenly had the urge to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It was one of those deep cravings where my professor’s head turned into a PB &J. I began to think who ever came with the idea to marry those two items deserves a place in heaven.   This led me to search “Who  invented the PB & J?”. I found the answer and a bunch of other useless information http://www.whoinventedit.net. It’s like Wikipedia, except focus mostly on the origin of popular items.

1. Craigslist- I have never bought or sold anything on craigslist nor have I never tried to meet anyone. However,  there is a reason it is saved on my computer as a favorite site.  I love scanning the missed connections page. In this section, people post ads seeking out people they met in person but were too scared to talk to or lost contact with. I don’t know how often this works out for people but my guess is not that often. However, these ads usually rank a solid 10 on the unintentional comedy scale. Take for  instance this gem I found a while back:

“To the guy that lives in Westlake. I think your name was Craig or Greg. Really that is not important. What is important is…you can have your wallet back. I did not steal it…it fell out into my van that first time we had sex in the parking lot I assume. Ordinarily I wouldn’t worry about returning a wallet and really it doesn’t even have anything with your name on it so.,…so maybe you do not want it back. It was pretty empty…which is sad. I guess good for you cause had there been cash I would have kept it. And sorry I snuck out of your apartment in the middle of the night like that. The buzz was starting to wear off and you were passed out so I didn’t want to deal with that odd morning dismissal thing. By the way also…you keep a very clean bathroom for a man…I am very impressed! I prefer not to hook up with you again….no offense but you didn’t warn me that you were so…odd in the sack. But I will gladly meet you at a neautral(sic) place to return your near empty wallet if you so desire! PS We met at Kelly’s pub 2. Not sure how many girls you pick up there…probably not many considering your wallet was empty and you did have a bit of an issue with your teeth which I was able to overlook thanks to all that New Castle!”

Saturday can’t get here fast enough….

   
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by Gnu Glasses on October 13, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Indianapolis Marathon, Uncategorized
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Posted by Gnu Glasses on October 13, 2011

https://gnuglasses.wordpress.com/2011/10/13/allplaynowork/

Who Wears Short Shorts?

  Seven days before the big race. For those following along, this Saturday I’ll be running in the Indianapolis Marathon. Since this will be my first crack at completing a marathon, I’ve been looking for all the tips and advice I can find. From a physical standpoint, I’ve done all the training I can do. I probably haven’t done as much I should have, but I think I’ll be fine.

According to my research, the best thing I can do now is relax and get mentally prepared. The key to a rookie runner doing well in a marathon is maintaining a positive attitude and dressing smart. Wear comfortable shoes and avoid cotton as much as possible are the two pieces of advice I seem to come across most. I learned the reason for the second piece of advice a few weeks back.

I decided to go out on a long down the local running trail. My normal shirt smelled a bit used, so I threw on a t-shirt I received from running a 5-k race a while back. It was 100% cotton and comfortable to sleep in. Running in it proved to be a lot less comfortable.

Everything was fine until somewhere along mile nine or ten when I suddenly got the feeling I was breast feeding a raccoon. A sharp pain in my chest made stop my run completely. Apparently I had developed what is called runner’s nipple, a condition where one’s nipples become inflamed due to irritation which can lead to bleeding and sometimes infection. A leading culprit of this affliction is wearing cotton. Runner’s nipple is a common problem for novice runners who don’t dress properly. How awkward would it be if I had to drop out of the marathon because of sore nipples?

Since I haven’t that issue wearing my normal shirt, I figure I’m safe. But there is one issue I’m struggling with. While I want to be comfortable I also want to finish with a reasonably fast time (see Marathon Man I). One thing I’ve notice on my runs is that the people (male and female) who seem to be moving fastest are those wearing short shorts, the ones that stop halfway up the thigh.

 Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t think about rocking short shorts, but there’s a part of me that wonders if I could shave a few minutes off my time if were to sport a pair. Are those runner’s naturally fast or do the shorts have a performance enhancing effect? I haven’t found any studies on the topic, so I figure I’ll have to make that decision myself.  I have less than a week to make a choice.

There’s a part of me says that I should make the investment but there are two things holding me back. First, I’m not supposed to be running this week which means I would have to break the shorts in at the marathon. Wearing new gear in a long distance race is a major no-no. Second, there is the issue of appropriateness. Objectively speaking, I’ve noticed the people hitting the trail in the short shorts are not as gifted in the glute area as I am. A part of me feels it may not be kosher for someone with my build to wear shorts of that nature at a family event. What’s a guy to do?

Decisions, decisions, decisions….

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by Gnu Glasses on October 9, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Indianapolis Marathon, Marathon, Running, Uncategorized
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Posted by Gnu Glasses on October 9, 2011

https://gnuglasses.wordpress.com/2011/10/09/shortshorts/

Bridge Game of Marion County Part III

Week three of the bridge lesson went off without incident: nothing caught fire and no one died. I understood the game a little better but not enough to rid me of the feeling I was wasting my time.

Week four proved to be the breaking point.

I arrive at my usual time, have my dinner, and wait for the other students to show up. Betty, my instructor, is on the phone with a friend discussing other bridge players. The conversation goes something like this:

“Do you remember (insert name)? He died last week. The funeral is coming up in a few days.”

This went on for about 5 minutes. You know it’s time to re-evaluate your life decisions when you’ve chosen a hobby that includes a pre-game death roll call. I had to get out once and for all.

 Breaking things off is not my specialty. Usually, I’ll just suffer through until things reach a natural conclusion. The easiest way would be to admit I wasn’t having fun and quit, but I couldn’t do that. I get nervous and expect tense arguments to follow. I had to come with to come with a good excuse.

At the end of the night, I tell Betty that I’m thinking of enrolling in grad school in the upcoming semester and I might have to drop out my lessons. This isn’t a complete lie: I had been thinking about it but hadn’t taken any definitive steps in that direction. She says she understood and to keep her in the loop after I made a decision.

Since I hate lying to old people, I spent the next few days looking into grad school programs around town and actually found that interested me. I would eventually enroll into one but not before I used as it a reason to drop out my lessons. I explained that my class would be meeting on the same night as bridge so I would need to cancel. She offered to move the lessons to another night since the other students were willing to as well. They were all retired and flexible. I explained that I would probably be too tired from work and school to give bridge the attention it deserved. I promised to think about revisiting my lessons if my schedule slowed down.

Every once in a while I feel a little guilty about not being honest about why I quit my lessons, but then I get the phone call reminding me why I did. As a result of my month long journey into the world of bridge, I am now on the death roll call list. This past Saturday I received a call letting me know that a member of the bridge community had passed away. I get this call about once or twice a month. It’s never anyone I know who died and the caller consistently asks to speak to William Matthews. Go figure.

While I will never be able to same I am expert at bridge,  at least I can say I gave it a shot and lived to tell the story-unlike most bridge players.

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by Gnu Glasses on October 5, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in bridge, story time
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Posted by Gnu Glasses on October 5, 2011

https://gnuglasses.wordpress.com/2011/10/05/bridgeiii/