Gnu Glasses
In a little over a month, I will be competing in the 16th annual Indianapolis Marathon. I use the term competing loosely. I won’t be finishing anywhere near the front of the pack. I’m from Louisiana, not Kenya. Plus, I’ve never actually run 26.2 miles consecutively in my life. The main goal is to finish with a decent time and have fun.
I’ve been taking the Forrest Gump approach to training so far. I just keep running and running and running. No real plan of action, just plodding along until I get bored. I decided to do research a couple weeks ago and found out that most people who run marathons go on 18-week training regiments. Oops.
I’ve got approximately 6 weeks until the big day. Since I’m not running to win and I’m running by myself, I’ve decided the best way to motivate myself is to find someone I can beat.
I’ve read that many people pick out someone on race day to keep up with or beat to keep them motivated. I might do that, but it won’t help while I’m training. Instead, I’ve discovered the marathon times of six random celebrities. Five of the times I think I can beat. One I know I can’t. The list is as followed:
Bear Grylls(4:30)-The host of Man vs. Wild finished the only marathon he’s ever run in 4 hours, 30 minutes. That’s a pace of a little over 10 minutes a mile, which isn’t bad considering he was wear a dress and wig at the time. Completely unrelated, did you know Bear Grylls named his kid Huckleberry? Huckleberry Grylls…has a nice ring to it.
Keri Strug(4:12)- Strug is most famous for winning helping the US win a gold medal in gymnastics in 1996. It was very dramatic and you’d have to be heartless to not get emotional seeing replays of the vault that clinched it…
Gets me every time. No word on whether the Russian guy carried her home after the marathon.
Jeff Fisher(4:09)-Fisher used to be the head coach of the Tennessee Titans. They were my second favorite team growing up. I always rooted for a Saints-Titans Super Bowl. It never happened. I blame Jeff…and global warming.
Scott Bakula (4:08)- I was forced to watch a lot of Quantum Leap as a child, a show which starred Bakula. I shared a 
room and a television with my older brother and he loved this show. Nothing would make me happier than beating Scott Bakula’s race time…except possibly quantum leaping back in time and getting those hours of my life back.
Flea (3:53)- Flea, of Red Hot Chili Pepper fame, finished with a very respectable time. Three hours and fifty three minutes comes up to slightly less than 9 minutes per mile. Fun fact about Flea: He’s a vegetarian, but he eats fish. Last time I checked Salmon is not a vegetable. Flea is not a vegetarian.
Ed Hoculi(3:03)- I will not be beating Ed Hoculi’s personal best Marathon Time of three hours, three minutes or approximately seven minutes per mile. Why am I bothering to even mention it? Beca
use every time I see Ed Hoculi on TV I get angry.
For those who don’t know, Hoculi (pronounced “Hock-U-lee”) is an NFL referee. He also has bigger arms than 53% of the players on the field and 100% of all the other referees. I can’t explain why it bothers me but it does. I think the man enjoys calling penalties because it brings attention to his massive guns. I could be wrong, but I’m probably not. Damn you, Ed Hoculi.
With goals all set, the fun really begins. Stay tuned…
Gnu Glasses 
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